Looking for that un-burst-able bubble

as a child i was made to believe that happilly ever after was prince charming with a castle and stream of kingdom's wealth. But it turns out, not all of us can be kate middleton so, the rest of us would have to settle with a loaded guy with a big house and a handsome bank account, rite?

I thought so,..

But on the way there, you stumble on few relationship, that sinks your happily ever after, darken your world and sucks the fairy out of your tale. And you are lost in all the feelings you felt and all the games they played. you just dont know anymore how to feel, how to know if he's the right one. you just want this spiral to end.

Then you met him.

No feelings, no drives to make any kind of ship-ness with him.

Just another guy you'd think you pass and forget..

But he had to grow on you,.. all the talk, all the trips, all the togetherness that just building slowly, and before long you finally enjoy his company and then you're hooked.

No way he's the one. he's a believer of the crucifix and you're a muslim...

'walk away now.. walk away' that was the warning in your head you've choose to ignore.

'I can handle it' your smartass-ness kicks in... and now you're part of a couple. Enjoying each other company. No question about the future, we didn't have a lot of money and thats ok!

you dont mind... you don't care.. you don't notice..

You feel rich inside.

You both appreciate free movie tickets. You happily ride the Jakarta-depok KRL.

Your idea of happily ever after is a long lazy talk with cups of tea on a porch, anywhere.. could be in a mansion or a forest, or a slum, it all be just as lovely.

You both have your own little world, populated by 2 soul... that the reality just can't touch

But like every great love story,.. yours too, face an inevitable fate.

Before long the hopelessnes of your situation met life. and all it takes was a flick of its finger and your little bubble of love burst. Exposing both of you to reality..

Now the heart cant help but to worry..

'are we gonna make it?', 'what about our differences?', 'can we make it before it all got to much?', 'is this gonna last?', 'how?'.... now these are some of the nerve wrecking question that don't get to meet their answers.

Before long, life put an end to your this-is-storybook-kind-of-love-ness. It consumes you from the inside out just to keep together.. You made a decision.. you have to survive..
so you walk...

After time,.. you start to lit up slowly,.. Then you met another guy, a muslim guy who offered you the world. Literally...
All the gold and the glitter you want and more.. You could live a very comfortable life.. But there is a catch,.. there always is..
He doesn't listen to you, he doesn't know your soul... and you don't seems to get his, yet he offers you everything, but..

I mean its the world on your lap and a proposal!! that's a potent combination for any girl, right! .. and all I can think of is this:
This is 'it'? just like this?
why am i not excited? Not Moved,...
ok, maybe i try.. i'm not picky,..
just try..

trying to get a little excited about it.. I mean, I did wait all my life for this moment..
nothing,..  no butterflies.. no gut tingling, no birds singing.. you know..
i know that some say,.. that the love comes after..

but i just have to get my butterflies..