Looking for that un-burst-able bubble

as a child i was made to believe that happilly ever after was prince charming with a castle and stream of kingdom's wealth. But it turns out, not all of us can be kate middleton so, the rest of us would have to settle with a loaded guy with a big house and a handsome bank account, rite?

I thought so,..

But on the way there, you stumble on few relationship, that sinks your happily ever after, darken your world and sucks the fairy out of your tale. And you are lost in all the feelings you felt and all the games they played. you just dont know anymore how to feel, how to know if he's the right one. you just want this spiral to end.

Then you met him.

No feelings, no drives to make any kind of ship-ness with him.

Just another guy you'd think you pass and forget..

But he had to grow on you,.. all the talk, all the trips, all the togetherness that just building slowly, and before long you finally enjoy his company and then you're hooked.

No way he's the one. he's a believer of the crucifix and you're a muslim...

'walk away now.. walk away' that was the warning in your head you've choose to ignore.

'I can handle it' your smartass-ness kicks in... and now you're part of a couple. Enjoying each other company. No question about the future, we didn't have a lot of money and thats ok!

you dont mind... you don't care.. you don't notice..

You feel rich inside.

You both appreciate free movie tickets. You happily ride the Jakarta-depok KRL.

Your idea of happily ever after is a long lazy talk with cups of tea on a porch, anywhere.. could be in a mansion or a forest, or a slum, it all be just as lovely.

You both have your own little world, populated by 2 soul... that the reality just can't touch

But like every great love story,.. yours too, face an inevitable fate.

Before long the hopelessnes of your situation met life. and all it takes was a flick of its finger and your little bubble of love burst. Exposing both of you to reality..

Now the heart cant help but to worry..

'are we gonna make it?', 'what about our differences?', 'can we make it before it all got to much?', 'is this gonna last?', 'how?'.... now these are some of the nerve wrecking question that don't get to meet their answers.

Before long, life put an end to your this-is-storybook-kind-of-love-ness. It consumes you from the inside out just to keep together.. You made a decision.. you have to survive..
so you walk...

After time,.. you start to lit up slowly,.. Then you met another guy, a muslim guy who offered you the world. Literally...
All the gold and the glitter you want and more.. You could live a very comfortable life.. But there is a catch,.. there always is..
He doesn't listen to you, he doesn't know your soul... and you don't seems to get his, yet he offers you everything, but..

I mean its the world on your lap and a proposal!! that's a potent combination for any girl, right! .. and all I can think of is this:
This is 'it'? just like this?
why am i not excited? Not Moved,...
ok, maybe i try.. i'm not picky,..
just try..

trying to get a little excited about it.. I mean, I did wait all my life for this moment..
nothing,..  no butterflies.. no gut tingling, no birds singing.. you know..
i know that some say,.. that the love comes after..

but i just have to get my butterflies..

The End Of The Affair

just watch the movie, then realized, i've read the book.. i remember it as a very melancholic book, thick with emotion and jealousy and the twist... arrghh!!! It really makes you as hopeless as the characters!! Lots of strong words..

anyway,.. some of my favorites line from the movie/ book:

Maurice Bendrix: this is the diary of hate

Sarah Love doesn't end, just because we don't see each other.
Maurice Bendrix: Doesn't it?
Sarah People go on loving God, don't they? All their lives. Without seeing him.
Maurice Bendrix: That's not my kind of love.
Sarah: Maybe there is no other kind.

Sarah: Are you on a new book?
Maurice Bendrix: Of course.
Sarah: It's not about us, is it? The one you threatened to write?
Maurice Bendrix: A book takes a year to write. It's too hard work for revenge.
Sarah: If only you knew how little you had to revenge.
Maurice Bendrix: I'm joking. We are adults. We knew it had to end some time. Now we can have lunch and talk about your husband.

Maurice Bendrix: I'm jealous of this stocking.
Sarah: Why?
Maurice Bendrix: Because it does what I can't. Kisses your whole leg. And I'm jealous of this button.
Sarah: Poor, innocent button.
Maurice Bendrix: It's not innocent at all. It's with you all day. I'm not.
Sarah: I suppose you're jealous of my shoes?
Maurice Bendrix: Yes.
Sarah: Why?
Maurice Bendrix: Because they'll take you away from me.
Maurice Bendrix: You have to understand. I'm jealous of everything that moves. I'm jealous of the rain!

Sarah: I had tempted fate, and fate had accepted.

The moment of absolute trust and absolute pleasure, the moment when it was impossible to quarrel because it was impossible to think.

Maurice Bendrix: I'm tired and I don't want any more pain...I want ordinary corrupt human love.

Sarah: Sometimes I get tired of trying
to convince him that I love him... and shall love him forever.
He pounces on my words, like a barrister and twists them

Sarah: Tell Him I'm sorry. I'm too human. Too weak. Tell Him I can't keep my promises. I'm tired of being without you

Maurice Bendrix: I hate you, God. I hate you as though you existed.

Strong words!! How can one writes like that? every line in that movie are strong and thick with emotion.. now i'm depressed..

I gotta get myself some happy ending chickflick

Back to school

Cherrious has gone back to school!!
Its started on April 2011, and life hasn't been easy since. I have to juggle between work, school and bazar, and sleep... and i'm not a good juggler, oo please help me God!
Its a good thing that i'm so excited going back to school so my energy hasn't been run out.

Cos life really Is so crazy right now, that last night, I have to celebrate my brother birthday while working on my thesis. And the only thing i have to keep my cool is by keep repeating 'i'll be smarter by 2012' mantra. But really i've been struggling hard just to keep afloat. anyway that's the way to grow right, by struggling.

So i'm working really hard to keep my enthusiasm over the top, to kill the feeling of being beaten.

wish me a good grow! :D

Notice the necklace

Baru aja ketemu di salah satu pouch :D dan langsung dipake..

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powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

A discovery

Purple goes amazingly well with green..
Don't you think?

She have good eyes

nice silhouette of a rainy day taken by my niece Sasa





my niece Sasa took this photo with my camera just before iedul fitri,.. i didnt check my camera until they've all gone back to gresik. i was initially going to delete all her shot but when i saw the first shot, i am amazed with her shot! she's only 7, and i know she maybe just clicking away the shutter button not thinking,..but i am telling you she have good eye.

so proud *teary eye*

My many blogs

okay so i have a lot of blog!...
why? you might ask.
its because i heard that blogger should have a focus topic on their blog. and in my defense, each of them are dedicated for different purpose.
like..
cherrious is me! I like to think of it as the mothership, as it is my main blog, and really about whatever i want to blog as my heart wishes to. and it is the most scattered of all. hahaa...

hari-hari Jakarta is also me but in bahasa Indonesia, keep in mind though that hari-hari Jakarta is not a translation of cherrious.. its more about Jakarta intentionally, and post that i think is better to be written in bahasa, so i don't want to mix it in with cherrious as it might confuse my international reader(*one can hope)!

curlymind is about stuff that i make. ideas that are non job related and had no place in my portfolio,.. they go here

and Cherrious eco is my earth musing and me being earth friendly.

portfolio is obviously dedicated to my commercial portfolio as designer, if i ever updated it. No need to look into it now, as there is nothing there to see, literally. 7 years of AD is just too overwhelming, but i am making progress, i finally got the intro post, heheheee i'll let you know if its up. :p

Thinking about God is me trying to write an essay on my journey to find God, little thoughts and findings about God..

so,.. this is not organized,.. i'm trying..


PS. i put a navigation menu on the left side of the blog so, hope it'll be more convenience to explore..

Briliant idea!

isn't this post by babalisme brilliant, She makes plastic seal bag exciting by drawing on them with markers..




isn't it the most cutest thing ever!! ii it possible for a person to want to have zip-lock plastic bags so bad,.. so bad >.<

and when i see CD pie cases :D you know what i'll do,..



not a contest to her drawing obviously! but would recommend this as a past time activity, like when you are trying to open a billboard file on your laptop, and trying hard not to fall asleep staring on the loading status bar.. ~.~